i blog for chocolate

Welcome Back! Thanks for visiting!

Okay.  I promised you that there was an Elvis sighting on my trip through Cancerland.  It happened the last week that Karen was in the hospital for treatment.  We decided to have a hospital slumber party.  Now we had to pull a few strings (and try not to get our IV’s tangled) in order to work this out.  All the rooms on the cancer floor were single rooms even though they were equipped for two beds.  I was told this was in case of a disaster.  You mean there is something out there worse than cancer?  Scary.

So we decided that we would room together for her last trip to the hospital.  We set it up for our next visit and later realized why this is not a good idea.  One reason was that we were both hooked up to infusion pumps.  We had chemo and fluids running the entire time.  Bags and bags of stuff.  And, of course, our pumps never ran out at the same time, so there was constant beeping day and night.  We didn’t get much sleep, but this was a slumber party after all.

Then there was the pee incident.  We had to collect urine samples to measure something. No clue what they were looking for.   Not just one sample, but all of our pee for 24 hours.  We always had to measure our pee the entire time we were in the hospital and write it down on a little chart, but this time we had to collect it in a jug.  They never mention how gross cancer can be.  So we each had a pee jug in the bathroom.   We are pretty sure that these got switched during the night by a nurse, but we agreed not to tell anyone unless it came back that there was something wrong with one of us.  We were both a little sick at that point of being poked and prodded and peeing on demand. 

So my sweet friend Betty decided to provide us with some entertainment.  Apparently, Elvis comes to the hospital each Christmas to make sure the patients don’t have a blue Christmas. Betty asked him to stop by our room.  We heard he was coming so we threw off our Santa hats that we had been wearing all week and threw on our wigs.  He sauntered in all sequined up and sang several songs.  Karen knew all the words.  We laughed and danced and took pictures. 

Then today on the radio David Jeremiah was talking about grace and how God just pours it on.  I felt His grace that day.  It was almost tangible, thick.  I think the whole time I was sick I was surrounded by a bubble of grace.  Everything bad just seemed to bounce off.  It was all good. After all, Elvis never came to visit me when I didn’t have cancer.  Maybe that’s because before I didn’t need to see a vision from Graceland.  Before I didn’t need so much grace.

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need. . .”

2 Corinthians 9:8

So Matt and I drove to Wake Forest Comprehensive Cancer Center yesterday for my 4 month check -up.  There are 3 things that everyone who has been diagnosed with cancer needs:  a great wig (thanks Ellen and Greg), grape flavored kool-aid, and a fabulous and funny chemo buddy like my friend Karen.

I first met Karen when I was very sick. I had just returned to the hospital after my first chemo treatment.  I had spent about 5 days in the hospital receiving chemo.  All my chemo treatments were in-patient visits usually between 5-10 days.  I was supposed to be able to go home and rest and return a week later.  I never made it through the whole week.   

 I was mad.  I thought because I was young I would be able to handle it.  I was scared.  What if I couldn’t handle it?  I was lonely.  My sweet aunt who had just finished treatment for her own cancer had just left and Matt was flying in to be with me on his way back from a business trip.  Then my doctor asked if he could introduce me to someone. 

In walked Karen with her Bible and her Mary Kay.   We later agreed that we didn’t mind being  cancer patients, we just didn’t want to look like one.  That night I looked like one.  I was in a hospital gown which I later found out I didn’t have to wear.  I was still weak from surgery.  I was pouting and my eyes were all puffy from crying.  It is amazing what a little face cream and camaraderie will do for you.  We hung out on the 9th floor for the next 9 months.

Karen and I plan our check-up appointments on the same day so we can catch up between our tests.  Yesterday she was on a scrapbooking rampage, so we took pictures everywhere.  In the waiting rooms, in the bone scanning machine. We even got hard copies of our bone scan to take home as proof of our visit.  My 10-year-old took it for show and tell today.

But the thing that really hit me was how quickly I sank right back into patient mode.  For four months I had chosen to not think about  all the forms, the needle sticks, the waiting, the worry.  I even forgot to call my father-in-law to make sure that he remembered to pick up the kids from school.  I was in another place:  CancerLand.  I thought of a new t-shirt slogan:  “I am just here for the food and the ice chips.”  I am certainly not here to see more white coats and scrubs.  Outside I am not a victim, survivor, statistic or patient.  Here things are different. 

After a big steak dinner, we drove home.  On the way, I asked my husband what he was thinking about.  He hesitated and then said that he was trying to repress all the bad memories of driving back from the hospital.  We made the 2 and 1/2 hour drive over 100 times in those 18 months.  I was surprised at his admission, but it was all so much more vivid for him.  I was asleep and on drugs most of the time.  He was the one who had to catch me when I passed out and visit me in ICU. 

I thought about that for a moment and then decided that even though we don’t want to remember, it is very important that we don’t forget.  I reflected on one of my favorite passages in Deuteronomy 8:  “When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God. . .be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God.”  I don’t want to forget what the Lord has done for me.  It is good to look back so I can see how far I have come and remember Who brought me here. 

So thanks to Karen I will have new pictures to remind me of the good times we actually had in CancerLand.  Like the time Elvis came to visit us.  And we have the pictures to prove that, too.

Raise your hand if you are 4 months behind on your January resolutions. You can admit it.  Say it out loud, “I haven’t even started on some of them and already quit the others.”

I went to the Foothills Writers’ Guild conference this past weekend in Anderson, SC.  One of the speakers was a syndicated columnist, Lisa Earle McLeod.  (www.forgetperfect.com)  Her advice for all aspiring writers was simple:  JUST START. 

Stop thinking about doing things, and JUST START doing them.

So here I am.  Just starting. 

I have wanted to blog for quite some time.  One thing that kept me from doing it is that the word blog seemed like an abbreviation for “bump on a log.”  I imagined a woman in pajamas thinking that the world had a right to HER opinion.  Then I read my long lost friend, Allison Heykoop’s blog:  http://oliveplants.wordpress.com/.  She has time to blog and raise her 9 children.  There go all my excuses.

The second reason that I didn’t write was because I was too darn busy.  It is amazing though how God has a way of clearing your calendar. 

The first time that He (or She for those of you who just finished The Shack) did this was a Friday night in January of 2005.  If your doctor calls you after 5:00 on a Friday night, you had better sit down.  I sat down on the steps and passed the phone to my husband, Matt, who sat down beside me.   I pressed my ear to the outside of the phone to hear all those words that you never thought would apply to you:  “we aren’t sure, but. . .we need more tests. . . it could be cancer.”  Suddenly my calendar was cleared.  I spent the next year and a half doing one thing:  getting better.  Talk about monotasking.

The second time God cleared my calendar was about a month ago.  After working for 10 months at a new job, they decided they could not afford to keep me.  Ouch!    So I sit here with nothing on my calendar except for those year-end field trips, George’s kindergarten graduation and a check-up at Wake Forest in May. 

Now I am free to do as Lisa has commanded me: 
JUST START!

How about you?  (You can put your hand down now.)  What have you not started?  A diet?  Let’s face it January is a terrible time to start a diet.  First of all there is nothing happening to distract you from eating.  You can’t lock yourself out of the house to get away from the refrigerator because it is too cold.  The only exciting event is the Super Bowl, and if you are like me, the only reason you go to the parties is to eat the food and critique the commercials.

Spring is a much better time to start being healthy. 

You can start going to the local farmer’s market to get some sweet baby lettuce or tender peas.  You can start feeling  good about the fact that the food was grown practically in your own backyard so you have reduced your calories and your carbon footprint in one short trip.  You can start sitting on the steps on your breaks and soaking up the sun for 15 minutes.  Daily dose of vitamin D—Check. 

Let’s face it—it is actually more fun to start things in the spring.  God agrees.  He has decided that spring is the time to make all things new, not January.  So this year I am going to make my yearly resolutions on April 1.  Yes, I know that it is April Fool’s Day, but what a perfect day to start changing our foolish ways. 

So you will find on another page the 2008 Dando Christmas letter.  Pretend it came to you in an envelope with a Nutcracker stamp on it.  (I am still trying to use all those up.)

It isn’t late. 

I am JUST STARTing to send it out.